Help with an eating disorder and depression?

hey man, i can really relate to you, ive struggled with that all my life, im 32 now and wish i did something about it when i was your age. to me, it sounds like you hate yourself for not being what you feel you should have been. therefore punishing yourself with bolimia. trust me its not worth it. you can find a dominant boyfriend who'll satisfy your masochistic desires, though its hard to one, i havent. but the wrong guy will make you feel even worse so please be careful. as masochistic guys we naturally want someone to make us feel the pain we deserve, but emotional pain is not sexy trust me. ive been there, i wish i was your big brother or something so i can help you realize you're worth more then you think you are. theres alot of guys that would prey on low self esteem, please be careful.